A century ago a weary traveler once came to the entrance of small village in rural Japan where he was greeted by an old lady weaving baskets out of reed. Embarking on a tireless journey, the traveler had traveled to many different villages in the countryside over the past few months. The traveler was searching for opportunity, and a way to break through the generational chains of limitation the people in his life had placed open him. The traveler had a gut feeling that he would ‘know it when he saw it.’

As the traveler met the old woman’s gaze, he asked her, “Do you live here madam?” To which, she replied, “All my life.” The traveler asked, “Do you mind if I ask you something?” Continuing, “what kind of village is this, and how are the people?” To which the old woman countered, “Well, what were the people like in the village you came from?”

The weary traveler paused for a moment, then stated, “The people in the village I came from, and as a fact of the matter all the villages I’ve visited going back to where I grew up, are all consistently disappointing to say the least.” The old woman raised her eyebrow to a beat of curiosity. Continuing, the weary traveler stated, “The people I’ve experience in my life are greedy, manipulative, and only out for themselves.” “I’m continually disappointed, and only want to find a place where there is a chance for me to climb to success and finally find inner joy.” “I know it when I see it, “ he finished.

The old lady’s face changed, as her leathery skin expressed a number of wrinkles validating a deep concern. “I’ve got some bad news for you sir,” she continued, “This village is just the same as all the others, the people here don’t really care about you, you have to scrape and scrounge for everything. It’s hard living.” With a visual tone of disappointment, as if his heart was crying out in defeat, the weary traveler slowly put one food in front of the other, walking in to the village. After all, where else could he go.

The old woman felt pity for the weary traveler. She usually enjoyed sitting at the entrance and keeping busy by greeting people as they came in and out of the village, but today she carried the full weight of the conversation.

About a week later, the old woman was busy weaving baskets at her usual place, when she was greeted by another friendly traveler who seemed to have been traveling for some time telling by the look of wear on his clothing and shoes. As this traveler came closer the old lady noticed a lightness and sense of calm with his presence despite his fatigued exterior. The traveler greeted by asking, “Hello madam, are you from here?” To which the old lady replied, “Yes, all my life.” “Well, you don’t mind if I ask,” the traveler continued, “What sort of town is this?” Without skipping the beat, the old lady said her usual rehearsal, “Well what were the people like in the town you came from?” With a similar cadence, the traveler beamed with joy when he started talking about his recent experiences. “The people in the town I came from were amazing. They were so warm and friendly, and knew how to enjoy life. “ “Yes, I think anyone could have lived there for ever, given all the opportunity and community there.”

The old woman felt pride and joy when she started to talk about her own village. “The people here are just the same, we love our little village, and everyone here seems to contribute towards the greater good. I’ve lived here my whole life and wouldn’t live anywhere else. “Thanks,” the traveler said, ending on a high pitch, smile beaming as he walked through the gates.

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Now, we all experience both traveler’s mindset from this story at different points of our lives. But what one key takeaway this story illustrates, is that we are always carrying the seeds of content or discontent within us, wherever we go. The duality of these universal personality factors is something eternally constant in all of us. However, we must not carry this truth about ourselves as a burden. We have to accept that there are universal laws of nature that prevent us from being fully content in life. There is a spirit of discontent in all of us, and we have to learn to contend with that fact daily. The best way to contend with having a part of you that will never be fully satisfied, is accept the fact that it is a part of you that will never go away. If you accept that there will always be spirit of inadequacy in you, you can start to accept all of you. Then you will be free of the burden.

There is a natural pace of provision in life granted to all of us, and we have to learn to be patient and tune into its rhythm. Epictetus (50–135 AD), the great Stoic Philosopher, and teacher of Marcus Aurelius, who wrote the famous Meditations, made the comparison of the pace of provisions in life is his writings in the Enchiridion stating (Interpretation by Lebell, 1994):

“Think of your life as if it were a banquet where you would behave graciously. When dishes are passed to you, extend your hand and help yourself to a moderate portion. IF a dish should pass you by, enjoy what is already on your plate. Or if the portion hasn’t been passed to you yet, patiently wait your turn. Carry over this same attitude of polite restraint and gratitude to your children, spouse, career, and finances. There is no need to yearn, envy, and grab. You will get your frightful portion when it is your time.”

Epictetus believed that the natural rhythm or pace of provision in life was an unchanging universal law. We also see this illustrated in the Bible when Jesus mentioned (BibleHub, 2011):

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worry add a single hour to your life?”

There is a natural pace of provision in life controlled by God’s hand. We can start to develop patience and acceptance for the provisions God gives for us by tuning into HIS rhythm, or in other words identifying the things (behaviors, attitudes, beliefs, things, and people) we are clinging to or trying to force that keep us from living in the moment to moment. For example, you might say, I if I could just get a promotion, then I’ll really be satisfied. But that line of logic is flawed. In fact, if you were to get the promotion, you would still be unhappy. Why? Well, because you carried yourself there. If we don’t learn to look inside ourselves for the things were holding onto or trying to force, and develop ways to release the hold of those things, we remained burdened and are sabotaging ourselves from finding the joy in now, were endless blessings and opportunity reside.

Ok so now you may be thinking. How do I create inner joy and fulfillment? To do this, we have to learn balance between applying constant grace to ourselves, while simultaneously practicing discipline. We can never break the bonds of trying to, as Berné Brown puts it, “please, perform, perfect, and prove” (Beattie, 2019). I mention this problem in The Four Pillars of Radical Forgiveness, by highlighting that we tend to fix our attention and shine our light on the outside world, and tell ourselves the solution to our problems lie somewhere externally. However, our healing truly comes from within.

Here are three things you can start doing to help you cultivate contentment and fulfillment:

Each day identify 3 events (time and place) where you will be 100% present and try to enjoy the moment. This may be something like, “Conversation at the dinner table, enjoying my drive to work, cleaning my house.”
Spend more time alone with just the sound of your voice. Do you like the way you talk to yourself? Do you ever engage in distractions to keep you from being with your own thoughts? Our brain is powerful beyond measure, but if we don’t use it and let it use us, it will dictate our inner experience for us. Learn to be comfortable with yourself more by spending more time not being distracted and listen your own voice. We all need time to process barrage of stimulation every day life has to offer.
Practice periods of focused meditation. Full disclosure, this simple two-step technique requires some discomfort and boredom. But the benefits are incalculable. 1) Simply sit focused on observing your breath. You’ll notice when you do you’ll immediately want to control it. This gets frustrating but eventually you will develop the ability to simply observe. It’s a practice of letting go. 2) Next, when you mind wanders, which it will, gently bring it back to your breath. This is the part that is slightly uncomfortable and a little boring after a while, but this applies to all those situations in your life, where you are negatively affected by your thoughts, and catching yourself, and bringing your thoughts back to the present, helps prevent over-attaching to those thoughts, which can cause rumination. Start by doing this 3–5 minutes a day, before your able to add more time.

One of my old Pastors Heath Hardesty, once stated, “What you steep in changes you.” Which I’ve come to wholeheartedly agree. Therefore for any technique to truly work, you really have to steep in it for a while. A teabag dropped in water doesn’t turn into tea right way. It takes time and immersion for a transformation to take place. So in applying any of these techniques you’ll have to keep at them a while until you develop the necessary mental muscle for them to be applied second nature.

Thanks for reading! If you found this article helpful, please check out my other articles at yourkindofhappy.org/blog

References

Beattie, Karen, (2019). Four Destructive Traits of Perfectionism. https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/4destructivetraitsofperfectionismfromDrBrenBrown#:~:text=Perfectionism%20is%20not%20self%2Dimprovement,perform%2C%20perfect%2C%20prove.%E2%80%9D

BibleHub.com (2011). Matthew 6. https://biblehub.com/niv/matthew/6.htm

Stevenson, D. (n.d.). The Meditations. The Internet Classic Archive: http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html

Lebell, S. (1994). The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness. MJF Books, NY.