Push or Pivot? When Resistance Is Trying to Tell You Something
How do we know when to change direction in life, or when to push harder?
At some point, every one of us runs headlong into the same dilemma: Am I supposed to push harder through this resistance, or is the resistance a sign I should pivot in another direction?
It’s rarely obvious. From the outside, life may look fine. You’re paying the bills. You’re showing up. Yet something inside is unsettled. The harder you press forward, the more friction you feel. Is it the kind of friction that strengthens you—like a muscle under load? Or is it the kind that hollows you out, leaving you drained and joyless?
I’ve wrestled with this question myself, and I see it all the time in my therapy practice. Clients come to me not just in crisis but in confusion: smart, capable people who have worked hard to get where they are and now find themselves wondering if they’re climbing the wrong mountain.
And here’s the truth: there’s no formula, no map. The decision to push or pivot isn’t mechanical—it’s interpretive. It requires listening to what your life is telling you, not just what your résumé or paycheck is telling you.
One of my favorite reminders of this tension comes from the books I read to my kids. Dr. Seuss’s Oh, the Places You’ll Go! is whimsical, but it’s also one of the best depictions of the real-world trials, errors, and pitfalls of life. There’s a part that always sticks with me:
“You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re dark.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.”
That’s it, isn’t it? Career crossroads are never simple. The paths aren’t marked, the windows are mostly dark, and your mind—despite all its cleverness—can’t quite make up its mind.
So what do you do when you’re caught between push and pivot? Let’s break it down.
Two Kinds of Resistance
Not all resistance is created equal.
Barbell resistance is the weight that makes you stronger. It’s hard, yes, but it’s purposeful. When you show up consistently, you get better. Your skills grow. Your confidence catches up. You leave work tired, but with a sense of growth.
Quicksand resistance, on the other hand, is the struggle that sinks you. You thrash, but nothing moves forward. Politics replaces progress. The goalposts move daily. Success requires compromising values you’d rather keep intact. You drag yourself home depleted, and the people you love get your leftovers.
The first type of resistance is worth pushing through. The second is a signal to pivot. The hard part is learning to tell them apart.
A working rule of thumb:
If effort reliably turns into learning, that’s resistance you push through.
If effort mostly turns into drama or self-betrayal, that’s resistance nudging you toward a pivot.
Who’s Deciding?
Before you can decide whether to push or pivot, you have to clarify who inside you is making the decision.
We often make “career” decisions as if we were just job titles with salaries. But the person making this call is also a spouse, a parent, a friend, and a human being with a nervous system.
That’s why the starting point is always values. Not the words you frame on the wall or list on LinkedIn. The non-negotiables that guide how you want to live. Ask yourself:
Would I still choose this path if nobody knew?
Does this path expand or shrink my integrity?
If my child copied this life for ten years, would I be proud of who they became?
Those questions sting because they cut through ego and external validation. They force you to let the “marketer” part of yourself step aside so the “parent/friend/whole human” part can speak.
Ikigai, Kitchen-Table Style
There’s a Japanese word I love: ikigai—your reason for getting out of bed. It’s often drawn as a diagram, but you can sketch it on a scrap of paper:
What I love
What I’m good at
What my people (family, clients, community) actually need
What supports us financially without burning the house down
The overlap isn’t a magical dream job; it’s a direction. A compass, not a map.
And here’s the key: don’t treat it as a solo exercise. Put it on the kitchen table. Talk it through with the people your decision will most affect. Try language like:
“Here’s the direction I’m leaning. Here’s how it serves our values. Here’s what it will cost. Here’s what it protects—family dinners, health, presence. We’ll test it for 90 days. If it doesn’t work, we’ll adjust.”
Alignment at home doubles your courage outside of it.
When to Push
There are seasons to push. You should lean in when:
You’re tired, not bitter. Hard weeks leave you exhausted but still curious.
The ladder is visible. You see a believable way to increase your impact in the next season.
You can name leverage. You have two or three concrete moves you could make in 90 days to meaningfully change your position—an alliance, a certification, a project that matters.
Your skills are compounding. You’re building portable assets—leadership others have felt, outcomes you can prove, craft you can demonstrate.
How to push without breaking yourself or your people:
Run a 90-day sprint. Choose three leverage moves. Make one relational. Make your progress visible.
Protect your “time floor.” Family dinners, a workout, walks with your partner. Schedule them first.
Rely on systems, not sheer willpower. Batch your admin, prep on Sundays, say “no” by default.
Schedule the review. Day 90 isn’t negotiable. If the needle didn’t move, it’s time to pivot.
When to Pivot
Pivot when the cost of staying is no longer growth but erosion. Warning signs include:
You spend your days in secrecy, spin, or compromise.
Progress depends more on politics than performance.
Your health and home life are absorbing the costs of your title.
If the job vanished tomorrow, you’d feel mostly relief.
Pivot doesn’t mean detonating your life. It means reallocating energy where it can actually compound.
Two main forms:
Micro-pivot: Same field, new team, renegotiated hours, or narrowing to the clients who bring out your best.
Macro-pivot: New lane altogether—your own practice, a new discipline, a shift into something that fits like a well-worn boot.
When You’re Numb
Sometimes you can’t tell if it’s push or pivot because you’re simply… numb. The brain doesn’t hate work; it hates sameness. If your days feel flat, don’t torch your life—interrupt the loop.
Move your body with intention—not to “work out,” but to reconnect.
Create before you consume—two messy paragraphs, a sketch, a weekend plan.
Invite small discomforts—a new route, a hard conversation, a first outreach.
Talk with someone who disagrees with you but wants your good.
Numbness isn’t always a call to pivot; often it’s an invitation to refresh your inputs so your pattern-recognition can wake back up.
A Quiet Rule for Big Choices
In a good-fit path, work works back. You push, and sometimes the world pulls—an unexpected mentor, an invitation, a surprising result. Doors don’t swing open effortlessly, but they do unlock.
In a bad-fit path, the doors are welded shut. You keep jiggling the handles. You start inventing excuses for why it’s not opening. That’s the moment to choose integrity over inertia.
So here’s the distilled rule:
Push when effort returns learning. Pivot when effort returns emptiness.
Either way, don’t drift. Set a 90-day check-in. Define the smallest honest change that restores your integrity, your health, and your presence at home.
Final Word
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are at a decision point most people sleepwalk past.
Shake yourself awake. Choose a direction that lets you look your people—and yourself—in the eye. Then take one small step today: send the email, block the dinners, book the conversation.
As Dr. Seuss reminds us, the choices will never be simple. Left, right, three-quarters, or not quite. But the very act of choosing—of listening to resistance, of deciding to push or pivot—is how you build a life that’s not just busy, but true.
